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Once or twice the possibility of suicide presented itself to him it would be easy to get something from the hospital dispensary and it was a comfort to think that if the worst came to the worst he had at hand means of making a painless end of himself but it was not a course that he considered seriously. When Mildred had left him to go with Griffiths his anguish had been so great that he wanted to die in order to get rid of the pain. He did not feel like that now. He remembered that the Casualty Sister had told him how people oftener did away with themselves for want of money than for want of love and he chuckled when he thought that he was an exception. He wished only that he could talk his worries over with somebody but he could not bring himself to confess them. He was ashamed. He went on looking for work. He left his rent unpaid for three weeks explaining to his landlady that he would get money at the end of the month she did not say anything but pursed her lips and looked grim. When the end of the month came and she asked if it would be convenient for him to pay something on account it made him feel very sick to say that he could not he told her he would write to his uncle and was sure to be able to settle his bill on the following liverpool football club merchandise Saturday. Well I ope you will Mr. Carey because I ave my rent to pay and I can t afford to let accounts run on. She did not speak with anger but with determination that was rather frightening. She paused for a moment and then said If you don t pay next Saturday I shall ave to complain to the secretary of the ospital. Oh yes that ll be all right. She looked a. t him for a little and glanced round the bare room. When she spoke it was without any emphasis as though it were quite a natural thing to say. I ve got a nice ot joint downstairs and if you like to come down to the kitchen you re welcome to a bit of dinner. Philip felt himself redden to the soles of his feet and a sob caught at his throat. Thank you very much Mrs. Higgins but I barca junior kit m not at all hungry. Very good sir. When she left the room Philip threw himself on his bed. He had to clench his fists in order to prevent himself from crying. chapter 100 Saturday. It was the day on which he had promised to pay his landlady. He had been expecting something to turn up all through the week. He had found no work. He had never been driven to extremities before and he was so dazed that he did not know what to do. He had at the back of his mind a ac milan kits 2018 19 dream league soccer feeling that the.so unsentimental. Philip reddened. He was afraid that Miss Wilkinson would think him a milksop after all she was a young woman, sometimes quite pretty, and he was getting on for twenty it was absurd that they should talk of nothing but art and literature. He ought to make love to her. They had talked a good deal of love. There was the art student in belgium away shorts the Rue Breda, and then there was the painter in whose family she had lived so long in Paris he had asked her to sit for him, and had started to make love to her so violently that she was forced to invent excuses not to sit to him again. It was clear enough that Miss Wilkinson was used to attentions of that sort. She looked very nice now in a large straw hat it was hot that afternoon, the hottest day they had had, and beads of sweat stood in a line on her upper lip. He called to mind Fraulein Cacilie and Herr Sung. He had never thought of Cacilie in an amorous way, she was exceedingly plain but now, looking back, the affair seemed very romantic. He had a chance of romance too. Miss Wilkinson was practically French, and that added zest to a possible adventure. 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He wondered how Herr Sung had started with Fraulein Cacilie. It belgium away shorts would be beastly if she told his uncle he knew what his uncle was, he would tell the doctor and Josiah Graves and he would look a perfect fool. Aunt Louisa kept on saying that Miss Wilkinson was thirty seven if she was a day he shuddered at the thought belgium away shorts of the ridicule he would be exposed to they would say she was old enough to be his mother. Twopence for your thoughts, smiled Miss Wilkinso.
Belgium Away Shorts t been so good to me that I need bother my head about them. She pushed him away and walking up to the box office put down her money. Philip had threepence in his pocket. He could not follow. He turned away and walked slowly down Oxfo. rd Street. I can t do anything more, he said to belgium away shorts himself. That was the end. He did not see her again. chapter 110 Christmas that year falling on Thursday, the shop was to close for four days Philip wrote to his uncle asking whether it would be convenient for him to spend the holidays at the vicarage. He received an answer from Mrs. Foster, saying that Mr. Carey was not well enough to write himself, but wished to see his nephew and would be glad if he came down. She met Philip at the door, and when she shook hands with him, said You ll find him changed since you was here last, sir but you ll pretend you don t notice anything, won t you, sir He s that nervous about himself. Philip nodded, and she led him into the dining room. Here s Mr. Philip, sir. The Vicar of Blackstable was a dying man. There was no mistaking that when you looked at the hollow cheeks and the shrunken body. He sat huddled in the arm chair, with his head strangely thrown back, and a shawl over his shoulders. He could not walk now without the help of sticks, and his hands trembled so that he could only feed himself with difficulty. He can t last long now, thought Philip, as he looked at him. How d you think I m looking asked the Vicar. D you think I ve changed since you were here last I think you look stronger than you did last summer. It was the heat. That always upsets me. Mr. Carey s history of the last few months consisted in the number of weeks he had spent in his bed room and the number of weeks he had spent downstairs. He had a hand bell by his side and while he talked he rang it for Mrs. Foster, who sat in the next room ready to attend to his wants, to ask on what day of the month he had first left his room. On the seventh of November, sir. Mr. Carey looked at Philip to see how he took the information. But I eat well still, don t I, Mrs. Foster Yes, sir, you ve got a wonderful appetite. I don t seem to put on flesh though. Nothing interested him now but his health. He was set upon one thing indomitably and that was living, just living, notwithstanding the monotony of his life and the constant pain which allowed him to sleep only when he was under the influence of morphia. It s terrible, the amount of money I have to spend on doctor s bills.and how she had wept. The recollection of her suffering and of his own humiliation seemed to render more overwhelming the compassion he felt now. If I could only get out of it she moaned. I hate it so. I m unfit for the life, I m not the sort of girl for that. I d do anything to get away from it, I d be a servant if I could. Oh, I wish I was dead. And in pity for herself she broke down now completely. She sobbed hysterically, and her belgium away shorts thin body was shaken. Oh, you don t know what it is. Nobody knows till they ve done it. Philip could not bear to see her cry. He was tortured by the horror of her position. Poor child, he whispered. Poor child. He was deeply moved. Suddenly he had an inspiration. It filled him with a perfect ecstasy of happiness. Look here, if you want to get away from it, I ve got an idea. I m frightfully hard up just now, I ve got to be as economical as I can but I ve got a sort of little flat now in Kennington and I ve got a spare room. If you like you and the baby can come and live there. I pay a woman three and sixpence a week to keep the place clean and football kits of spain to do a little cooking for me. You could do that and your food wouldn t come to much more than the money I should save on her. It doesn t cost any more to feed two than one, and I don t suppose the baby eats much. She stopped crying and looked at him. D you mean to say that you could take me back after all that s happened Philip flushed a little in embarrassment at what he had to say. I don t want you to mistake me. I m just giving you a room which doesn t cost me anything and your food. I don t expect anything more from you than that you should do exactly the same as the woman I have in does. Except for that I don t want anything from you at all. I daresay you can cook well enough for that. She sprang to her feet and was about to come towards him. You man city shirts sale are good to me, Philip. No, please stop belgium away shorts where you are, he said hurriedly, belgium away shorts putting out his hand as though to push her away. He did not know why it was, but he could not bear the thought that she should touch him. I don t want to be anything more than a friend to you. You are good to me, she repeated. You are good to me. Does that mean you ll come Oh, yes, I d do anything to get away from this. You ll never regret what you ve done, Philip, never. When can I come, Philip You d better come tomorrow. Suddenly she burst into tears again. What on earth are you crying for now he smiled. I m so grateful to.